A snowy, Saturday night reflection

It’s another snowy day and a rare Saturday night without a wedding.  I’m feeling particularly sentimental this evening, after sharing a very simple afternoon with my friend Hillary and her darling, seven week old baby boy.  We caught up after not seeing each other for months.  I really love this lady and her husband and their selflessness.  And I immediately fell in love with their little peanut of a little one.  After driving back home through another day of snowfall, life felt peaceful.

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I think a lot of us often wander and search and try to figure out the where’s and why’s in life.  Everyone wants to be in a better place, they judge and base comparisons against themselves and often beat themselves up over it. In life it’s so good to be aware of what is happening around you, but you can’t compare yourself to it – rather just take it in and appreciate the moment.  And the end of the day, we’re all responsible for our decisions.  We can blame, hate, hold jealousy and feel left out all we want, but it’s really up to us to make any change.  In the meantime, as you make your goals and you write them on a napkin or in a notebook or you start to lay them in stone, the one thing that is always clear is that we need to be adaptable.  In life, families, friendships, sibling and lovers – we all are constantly changing people.  Our opinions and thoughts are affected by a snowfall or a car crash, a hug or just when we wake up after a restless night.  And because of these things, the best gift we can give one another is adaptability.  And recognizing where we are in the present.

 

When my husband and I started to date, I would marvel at his durability throughout winter.  Admittedly, I’m a warm weather lady, and this season has tested my strength both mental and physically.  I was depressed for about 3 weeks when I found out that I have scoliosis and a lot of repair to work on with my back.  When you’re 35 years old, being told that your body isn’t doing what you want, for the very first time in your life, well, it’s a cold slap in the face.  However, to be told at 35 for the first time that something is wrong, well hell.  That’s a really great run.   After I accepted my place I started to take pleasure in new goals.  I love when I make improvements.., I’m encouraged.  My back feels better (after a year of pain), and in a way the new exercises are fun – because if you make anything in life a positive -  it can be.  But I digress (as always).

I remember my and Dave’s first winter together and he told me that the cold was a time for reflection.  This year feels so true of that. After thinking about people, challenges, happiness and reality,  my goal for 2014 – and life in general – is to work hard, stay humble and understand that we are all fighting a battle of some kind.  But also I realized tonight that one of my biggest and most personal goals for the rest of my life is being.  To be present.  It’s cold out, it’s hot out, it’s perfect.  I’m alone, I’m anxious because there are too many people around, I’m quiet, I’m screaming.  I'm gardening, it's raining on me, I'm in love, I'm angry.  I'm sad, I'm so very happy.  The great thing is that I am all of it.